Watchdog

We bought him for a watchdog
But he mixes up his ends:
He wags his tail at strangers,
And barks at all our friends.

We got him for protection,
We thought he'd earn his keep.
But he frightens little children ---
When he isn't fast asleep.

He's very fond of hoboes
And gypsies and the like,
But nips the friendly postman
And the newsboy on his bike.

He causes feuds and lawsuits,
he keeps us tense and grim . . .
We bought him for a watchdog,
But we keep watch on him.

by Richard Armour